Why did I join this thing again? O.o

Oh well, im done and bored with it. have a nice day! ^^

No longer posting.

I think too much. Its not always a bad thing but sometimes it broods thoughts of things i never really thought before, making me think of thoughts that think im thinking a thought of something else.

Ive came to the point where i understand what im always looking at.

The corrosion and slow degrading of elegance. Like that nice car of yours 100 years from now, sped up to months in a second. Ashes to ashes dust to dust.

Its fun to watch, it is. What was new slowly becoming old and then fading away to incarnate something else. beauty is not in its creation, or birth. but in what its weathered over its lifetime. be it seconds, years or a millennia, its the flash and slow burn that allows one to see the surroundings long enough to know whats going on, and what to doge as you move across the room to your destination.

I need to stop listening to hevion gotic...


TO THOSE WHO NEED THIS: YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

"CHEER UP EMO KID!" =D



Have a nice day! ^^

Today i was faced with some embedded ideals that made my brain jump into action.

This dosent happen often and when it does i get scared because i never knew these things. they where just there.

Like today...

BTB VS ANARCHISTS (or however thats spelled)

One day, while wondering the streets of this broken city (yes, i said CITY. there is more to it than i have ever imagined) I happened across a group of people standing around a pickup truck and jittering like mad. usually i overlook this untill one spotted me and stated proudly:

"Were anarchists! Join our group, ya look like youd fit in well!"

Just because i wear a pair of massive black and green pants, a tee that says "Off duty Pirate" and a look that plainly says "I hate you all" dosent mean id want to be part of this hicks idea of a kegger.

I looked at him and his supposed "leader" who was standing in the back of the truck and as high-horsed as his pickup was jacked from the needlessly large tires, gently cleared my throat and said calmly:

"You do realize that by forming a group you have effectively became the OPPOSITE of what you say you are."

they glared.

"Hokay" i rolled my eyes "An anarchist is an INDIVIDUAL who follows no said leader or role model. By becoming a group, and by human nature, you have allready set a leader and follow his idea of whats right, therefore becoming an organization instead of a rebel."

They stared like a gold fish would at a flickering light at the back of the tank. no activity in the head at all.

"Basically," i dumbed down my words "your just a crew of people who think riding around in the back of a pickup while making you all look even dumber because you have no IDEA what a real anarchist is."

I was then free to wonder on, sipping a slushee while the crew stared at each other in silence.
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This next one involves "ART"

I received a link from a friend not to long ago involving a man drowning a kitten, ill admit it was not exactly pleasant to look at but what appaled everyone else in the room was the fact that i took it naturally.

"Hes killing a kitten! hes a monster! not an artist!"

My reply was just:

"What defines "art" is subjective to the times involved. What makes this seem so horrible is that the act seems unnatural. but in fact its VERY natural."

i might as well been wearing a skunk carcass and juggling dead hamsters.

again i had to explain:

"Its natural. the strong survive, its happening every day. What PETA is doing is universally wrong. what this man is doing is universally right. what depicts whether the ACTIONS are just or not are PEOPLE." I hate being stared at.

"PETA is against what has been going on sense the beginning of time: The destruction of matter so that it can be re-created. its DISNEY LOGIC CHILDREN, LION KING: CIRCLE OF LIFE!!!!

Lets say this kitten was still with its mother, the mother was killed and eaten by a larger predator, the kitten would have dies anyway. thats how it works.

Stopping the "senseless killing" of "Innocent creatures" dosnt work because by preventing whats NATURAL to happen by artificial (human) intervention will only lead to massive probems involving the one damn reason we kill anyways: NOURISHMENT."

they stared more.

"the moral of the story is this: the reasons people have problems like these is because we create them. then we panic and stop thinking logically. What can start out like a GOOD IDEA will quickly be erased by public opinion and become a BAD IDEA."

The only person who caught on from the beginning and agreed was Bill Bill. but i wasent aiming to change peoples minds. Just show them that they have the wrong view of it so they can have an independent thought for once.

Then came the "Well, God wanted it to be THIS way excuse" wich lead to two people nearly getting into a fist fight, and someone calling me a "Scientologist" or some odd belief based souly of what science thinks.

That actually insulted me.

I am what I am. "I think therefore i am." By placing me under a label you are removing that which makes that statement mean anything.

I AM ME. I am not a group, or a committee.

Im Bob, a single idea.

so in conclusion, the moral of these stories are:

THINKING IS NOT A CRIME. and also; sour cream and spicy chips are good. yummy yummy <3

Now that i am done ranting, im sure ive either offended a few or made them wish they never read so much crap all at once XP

the point is:

Alot of this is opinion. the rest is FACT. but even that is subjective =P i am a figment of your imagination, made real simply because i tell you I am.

I need to learn to keep quiet more often...

One faithful morning in the Gray, I awoke rested for once and glanced out the window to a clear sky and sunny day. No plumes of thick oily smoke from Meth labs and no eerie silence.

I stepped outside to witness a large and stately red cardinal, singing his spring tune with all the passion in its tiny heart. I stood to take in this tune before taking in a deep breath and giving it a morning salute of my own; "IM TRYING TO SLEEP YOU LITTLE FEATHERY LUMP OF NOISE HOLES. SHUT YOUR YAMMERING SKULLCAVE GODAMMIT"

And so the eerie silence returned... and i went back to bed to sleep another two hours.


Reporting from the front lines is I again. Its been awhile, no? Lately times on the Gray have changed for the better... in my opinion anyways. Apart from being sick its been good ^^

I made some new friends and was re-acquainted with some old ones. Weve had some very successful missions as well, and with the aid of a new business partner with my comics there will be much to look foward to in the future. untill then im dormant and enjoying the open fields and hand to hand arms play with the overlordpirate Bill Bill.

For the rest for you i can only hope things are going just as well ^^

Have a nice day!

The Iron Curtain. A term given to the soviets during the cold war for their almost impenetrable defense against spies and the such. For me it describes my trust in people.

My trust is like a great curtain of iron, yes. It shows just how much i truly do believe and hold faith in my comrades and loved ones.

But it is not invulnerable.

Should one break the curtain they will have to suffer with the draft of doubt pouring through from the out lands of my mind. Not a day will go by with which they will forget the deed they have done to cause such a wonderful thing to fail for them. they will see the others nestled comfortably within the soft folds of my powerful will, those who can safely know they have such a will to help them. as for the banished, its sheer walls forever after denying them the virtue and privilege of having such protection. they will be shunned as the liar, thief, or hypocrite they are.

That is all.

Random bit in information ive discovered aboutmyself:

Walking upstairs confuses me.

Because as i walk up them and think of the mechanics of acending, i lose equilibrum and nearly fall over. Which leads to the current idea of whether tasks like these should be left to the uncontous to figure out.

The mind is a truly amazing thing...

Its corridors and corners an endless path i love to follow, as much as i like to travel the twisted and jagged path of my own mind the streets and corridors of others continues to to draw my attention, to wander the path inside their train of thought... and see how they work... like investigating some wonderfull new machine... how i love to watch it click and whirr as they figure out tasks and do them needlessly.

My own train has seemed to derail abit with the discovery of a female i shall not name at this time, her presance a constant reminder that i am not alone.

I am in love... as generic a term as that is i find it quite suiting to my current feelings and ordeal on the issue. My stomach twists and the pressure in my chest stirred but this emotion stronger with her than anyone else i have encounterd.

Problem.

Her distance prevents me from truly getting close to her, altho to me "distance" is a relative term and can quickly be resolved simply by just going there. More mechanics involved like the stairs, the more i think about it the more complicated and confused i get, wanting to topple over.

Salution.

I let the mind do as it needs and i shall go to her. that simple. Time is reletive and Distance is related exactly to it. what i need is time. the more i have the less distance there seems to be. Therefore, if i keep the mentality that there IS no time, i will get nowhere because there will be no distance involved. just infinity. and thats a long long way. Therefore i givemyself a set amount of time to accomplish it, the idea is that by doing so distance will appear much less shorter than it actuly is.

More later...

Project CADAVER has came to a close, and i will never fall under such terms to gain information from those oblivious to the fact that im sneaking around inside their brainmeats.

Project CADAVER was, needless to say, an experiment of humanities diffrent subcultures.

Current study: the "Furry"

I chose two groups of three, one group being furs and the other of normal webgoing peoples met and picked at random to solve a question:

Hypothosis: Furries being overly trusting and dependant of web-based information.

For this, i created a "fursona" and a "Persona" on a false identity. IE a Puppet

This person was the same but had two diffrent "lives" one in human and the other fur.

CADAVER name: (CLASSIFIED) AGE:15 Sex:Female

Purpose: discover the true diffrence between the two cultures, and determine apon proven fact of the natures and contrast them over a three month time span.

Of the three "furs" and three "normals" i also made two OTHER groups of six, split as such to keep the information true and as a controlled system.

My findings where less than suprising.

The "Humans" found my little puppet enjoyable but DID NOT get any real personal data over the three month span. "She" was successful in, however, building quite strong bonds with these individuals. as FRIENDS.

Now for the not-so-shocking part.

The "FURS" (6 out of the 9) found my puppet... and assaulted her with personal and rather graphic scenarios... she was pushed into "Yiffy" (By the gods do i detest that word...) situations for a girl UNDER LEGAL AGE. the three others treated her well and respectfully, "Group-A" as we chall call them for now, where pleasurable and informative. altho ALL the furs failed the basic personal information quota, by the end of the THIRD WEEK "She" attained- phone numbers, Addresses, Place of work, Pictures of subjects (CLEAN ONES) and personal information without any provocation.

Id rather not bring up what the other six put her through. Horrible stuff...

the FACT:

Alot of furs are perverted slobs that are unfufilled with their lives so they fall back into a "false reality" (something i specialize in) with which MORALS DO NOT EXIST.

The rest of them are, said bluntly, pretty fucking awsome people.

UNANSERD: Is there a cure?
Hypothisis: probably not...

I hope this was slightly intertaining, if anyone has questions or would like me to investigate something please ask.

I have little better to do.

*bows* have a nice day!!

Less sleep = less human.
Less human = Psycologist visit based on the idea that im "insane"

Im not insane. Just gifted.

Or mabbe just insane? or... padded? yesssssss.... padded.......

My brain is padded... "madness" is a "padding" againced that which is "real"

Its hard enough trying to do things with reel-like images flickering byond my own vision. like a movie thats running hot in the projector. I can see them all looking at me, watching and pondering. I like it ^^ its like... having my own personal... whats this word.... .... .... audiance! thats it, suprising how i forgot that.

My visions are clouded with Her presance. Wrought through my contious mind like a steel spike, the feeling.... is... well... like wearing a fuzzy hat.

And you the reader will never know of Her divinities. in my adventures in the Warp ive learned one major thing; SHE IS EVERYTHING. ever sence being born from the warp, dragon as i am, i miss Her, not like a mother, not like a sister... but something more...

Explaining it is... well... pointless, nonetheless, one would have to experiance the fuzzy hat for themselves, slip it over their eyes and view ultimate... damn, i lost yet another word... satisfaction? Yes! thats it!!!

Life is gooooooooooooood

Following up on these little endevours... The mind of the people wanting to blacken me with their hands... dirty, filthy creatures... wanting to sample the delights of my flavor...

Which is.. probably... minty.

On a second note, that which is second to the first, and first being next to nothing. i wonder how Nothing feels sometimes. in between the Positive and Negative. a perfect balance, ony one thing. and thats nothing!! aye, rambling again. oh well,

I am now the manager of a booking company. I am the entertainer for real now! I hold the hopes and dreams of musicians in my hands now. it has a strangly plush texture. but hard. like steel wool. set a nine volt near it and it gos ablaze! just like putting them on stage, the "electric" atmosphere setting them to play their souls out to a crowd that only knows noise and faceless pleasure. Like a kid riding a pony. the kid is elated but the pony... depending on the size and weight of the child... would rather lie down, or stomp the hell out of its rider.

An amusing thought for a moment. entertain the savage part of your skull meat with an image of little sally, getting her head cracked open like a melon by the beasts single hard toe. a victory? of course not

The monkeys will kill the animal in "retliation" an emotion fuled by spite and anger. thusly, "Justice" is served. "Justice" being a definition of the morals of what people think is right as a whole... is nothing more than "guidelines" if it where a TRUE law, those people would never think of the crime at all. the act wouldnt exist and it would never happen!

If "THOU SHALT NOT STEAL" was a TRUE law, alot of things would ceace to be.

Its complicated so ill save your head the pain of trying to figure it out =P

Oh well, another day another spouting of pointless information. bed for me... I have a meeting with the colonel today.

*bows* have a nice day!

And with that comes one of my many favorites. sence starting a new journal (the last was lost in time due to its abuse and alot of what was on it was ignorance) a new slate ^^ ahhh... what a wonderful thing! I have no new friends yet save one, a good friend and personal influence of mine!

Hail lone observer! must be kind of nice having the stadium seating to yourself, neh?
if i sound a bit creepy on this journal, forgive me by ALL means, im not like this in real life. Here i choose the "face" of court jester, clad in black and royal purple and jingling across the stage just for you. Untill my audiance grows that is. i hope to make alot of new aquaintences here, mabbe, altho im still a bit queer on how these things work myself. but no matter! optimism! let there be light in the souls of those who need it so, and i shall bring it! *bows*

Unfortuantly, there is little i can do in the event that i do fall into what people call "the Emo moment" but thats life. it can be cruel but there is no teacher quite like that learned breathing and observing in the waking hours.

The Yin and Yang. a perfect observation of an imperfect world. but its those that make it also just as interesting.

To claim perfection is to be totally flawed.

But then my observation is just as reliable as the next. What may be blue might be black, what may be red may be scarlet, its all subjective to the beholder.

This journal will give those a glimpse into one of gods loneliest creatures. the free thinker. I will turn this journal into a work as much as I place much tender care into my other works, be it a painting, a pen drawing or even something wrought from the earths raw materials, exept this time with the make of "words"

Words, to me, being noises placed into a sequence that the brain identifies individually, puts it into order, and gives it meaning. usually it invokes images or memories of either of the six sences. yes, i said SIX.

There is much i can place before you all, unfortunatly, i do not have the time ^^.

But no matter, im shure there are more interesting things out there for one to delve his or her thoughts into, go fourth and SEEK IT OUT, do that which is nessessary, ill still be here, on stage and prancing, lost in my own little bubble of questions and the massive desire to give it all purpose... One day i hope to share this bubble with you.

Come on hither and have a seat, well break a bottle of wine and extange words in as such a friendly matter that the gods cannot fathom it. Extangeing of not only ideas and morals, but of imagination.

For Knowledge is limited, there is only how much we allready know.

Imagination is true power, for it has no limits, hail to the artist, the musician, the writer, the free of mind and inventor. For it is they who hold true power in this world.

I hope you enjoyed this little show, O masses of one, for there will be more in the future, should one tire of my "flowery" or "regal" demenor, i can easily fall back to something more comfortable. hahaha!

But that would defeat the purpose of my goal here, no? There is no santuary quite like mine, im afraid. Lost in the city of the damned, the Gray.

Have a nice day! *bows*

Sence i usually detest such mediums of information sharing across a scale, im making a... whats this term... Acception of the deal.

Simply because i need a place to vent, hopefully my ventings and refuse aged to perfection in the small iron casket that is my head, held tenderly like a mother does to her child, exept these "blogs", will hold no such innocence, and be of use to the reader looking for potential answers.

Im usually a happy person, people love being around me. but they do not understand me, usually i get alot of "Your weird".

"To be misunderstood is to be great" once said Ralf Waldo Emerson, a great poet and my personal favorite.

Now im rambling, aye. back to the subject of what this means to you, the reader, should you be of the rare type to actually be curious of your surroundings and not just trying to commit a "social felony" by taking what i say and turning it into what you humans call a "drama party"

My goal in life is to find what makes it tick, grab the doorknob between this world and the "warp" and pass through the keyhole.

and mabbe once in awhile ill share an amusing story or two to alow your brain to slack off a little.

So sit back, relax, listen to your favorite tunes as i show you the world through the mind and eyes of that not from this world.

Ill also post some personal junk between. just enough to keep you guessing! hahaha!! but its all in good times, ladies and gentlemen! Im here for your intertainment and hopefully mind-expanding knowledge that can be reaped, just for you, from my open skull!

Have a nice day! *bows*